where the writers are
12 Myths about Men and Women Debunked with my Little Hammer

Whenever someone starts a sentence with “Men are…” or “Women always…”, I cringe. Sweeping generalizations about the sexes are silly at this point. We’re all bleeding into one another, changing, morphing. Plus, these stereotypes tend to be sexist in one way or the other.

So I’m here to smash a few of them with my little hammer.


1. Men are attracted to looks and women to power and money.

Well, someone forgot to send me the memo or I wouldn’t have spent over 15 years dating a bevvy of broke-ass artists. And guess what? I love hot-looking guys, with or without power. And money means very little to me. (Trust me, I wish it meant more.)

2. Men are ruled by their...libido

Puhlease. Most guys are becoming increasingly desexualized in this computerized, fat-ass age. In order to be pursuant of women, you have to possess a certain moxy and prowess. In short, you have to have balls in order to be ruled by your cock. (Sorry for language. Dick. Pussy.)

Besides, by denying women of a strong sexual drive, we no longer have to fear their capabilities. They're too busy at home knitting and worrying about mildew to fuck your neighbor.

3. Women take forever in the bathroom

I spend time with a lot of guys. There isn’t one of them that is as quick as yours truly in the bathroom.

4. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

Many of you know how much I really, really dislike this book. It’s up there with “He’s Just Not That Into You.” (Oh really? Like the stark reality of him not contacting me wasn't enough to drive home the point?)

I don’t believe men need caves anymore than women. That book is read predominantly by women who have to play some sort of game of emotional Twister in order to secure their unfulfilling relationships. “Oh Trish, leave Bob alone. He’s in his 'cave.'" Cave this. Until men begin reading similar books (which they don't - really) then develop your own flexible philosophy...that will undoubtedly change near constantly.

5. Men just can’t help themselves or men will be men or boys will be boys.

I call bullshit to this carte blanchery. It’s as if men are silly little puppies and women are in a special club of revered, highly self-disciplined angels. Guess what? I often can’t help myself. I’m a big tangled mess of compulsive behavior. Guess I'm not getting into the Angel Club anytime soon.

6. Women look pretty naked, men don’t.

Take off your clothes, send me the photos and I’ll be the judge.

7. When women have sex with one another, it’s titillating to watch. When men do, it’s gross.

Not for this woman. I like watching men have sex. I’m doing it at this very moment. (Shhh...here comes the good part.)

8. Women like to process and men just want to watch football.

Luckily, I know very few men that are into football. I know several women who are very into it. I do tend to process. But I have a substantial amount of female friends who quickly retreat to their "caves" when I want to talk to them about something personal.

9. Women look for long-term commitments and men hate to be tied down.

This is changing more and more. Women seem to be doing alright alone and aren't suffering from wedding bell blues. The thing I find disturbing is that many of the men I know who are "commitment phobes" have very little to offer. Nothing like protecting your nothingness!

10. Men are hunters and women are nesters.

First of all, I ain't a bird. And I've been "hunting" for decades now, thank you. It's a little thing I like to call "survival." With that said, I love nesting - making my home feel comfortable, cooking, hosting, etc. Maybe I can find some nesting man to steam me a cappuccino, rub my feet and fetch the daily news.

11. Men like a lady on their arm but a whore in the bedroom.

Nothing like having your own personal whore who pretties herself up in social situations. All for your pleasure, master. Maybe I'd like a whore in the bedroom and a gentleman on my arm.

12. Men just like the chase.

Men must really get off on marathons then.

But seriously, the implication here is that we must constantly be semi-detached and on-the-run in order to keep a man's interest. That sounds exhausting and just another way women need to adapt in order to keep their pappy happy.

I do recognize there are some very real differences between men and women. And of course, that's a beautiful thing. But most of these stereotypes are as constricting as a corset.

I know some very sensitive, football-aversive, overly processing men who can't wait for a lifelong partner and some whisky-swigging, cave dwelling whores. And most who fall in between. And they all change as the years go by - evolving, devolving, what have you.

Personally, I've been around high-heeled, high-pitched women talking about weddings and Tupperware and felt like a real tomboy next to them. I've been around some fierce, powerful women who make me feel like a little pansy girl. I like all the relational sensations. But the more we rid ourselves of this Mars/Venus bullshit, the more freedom we allow ourselves to change.

I'm open to change...even though I look frightening.


4 Comment count
Comment Bubble Tip

Ah, thank you

This observation hit me just right: "[M]any of the men I know who are "commitment phobes" have very little to offer."

It would also be great in a fortune cookie!

Comment Bubble Tip

That would be fun...

to make cookies with those kind of fortunes in them.

Thanks for checking in!

Comment Bubble Tip

Hello Beth

Thanks for sharing your post. I smiled all the way through it and will read through your blogs from now.

"But the more we rid ourselves of this Mars/Venus bullshit, the more freedom we allow ourselves to change."

I couldn't agree more. :)

All the best to you.

Comment Bubble Tip

Thank you, Beth

Thank you so much for showing that these sexist, confining sterotypes that dominate our culture are not only ridiculous, but that confronting them can be hilarious. I especially like "send me the photos, I'll be the judge."

My husband especially hates TV commercials in which the husbands are fat slobs who lie to their (inexplicably supermodel, young) wives in order to go watch sports or drink beer with other men, who shirk housework, who are really "little boys" who want to goof off, destroy things, and "put one over" on their wives/moms.

My husband (and Gina's husband, above, and probably the vast majority of men on Red Room) hate and are confused by these ads, just as they would if they were shown beer commercials that relied on racist humor.

Speaking of most anti-feminist books ever, do you remember "The Rules"? It taught most of the items on your list, but the line I remember best (I was the president of a NOW chapter then and was asked to talk about the book on the radio) was "Read the newspaper so you'll sound interesting to him."

Yes, literacy, intellectual curiousity, citizenship, education--only useful for women because it makes you more attractive to men.

Ivory Madison
Founder and CEO, Red Room