“You Have Helped Me So Much!”
By Bernadette A. Moyer
It took fourteen years before I could write about my first husband Randy and his death. When I started writing about death and my experience I had accepted it did the counseling thing and came to terms with my grief and my guilt. Writing about it connected me to others who valued what I had to say and could relate to my experiences. They often communicated what they learned from me, so often I would receive a note, a card or an e-mail stating “you have helped me so much!”
In a way, it took the sting out of the pain. I was able to turn it around and help others. I did the work; I educated myself, did the soul searching and learned so much myself, before I could share my knowledge with others.
I never thought I would write about estrangement, sexual abuse, alcohol abuse but then too came a day when I had done the research. I went to therapy and I educated myself. I listened to others who walked these same paths before me. They gave me strength and courage; I knew that I wasn’t alone.
Much of my personal therapy was with a really great therapist and then my writing. Taking my experiences and sharing them with others. I know the process from the beginning when you think you are the only one and feel so alone to the accepting and learning and taking that knowledge and experience and doing some good with it.
I really believe that is what we are supposed to do; we are supposed to use all our life experiences for the good, even the most painful ones. Just this week I have received almost a dozen comments like, “you have helped me so much!” It makes me feel good to hear that!
However, I believe that by helping ourselves first, and then, only then, are we all able to help others. If our journey includes the experience, the learning, the accepting and all the wisdom that comes with it, we become the teacher and the sisters and brothers to all those that walk just after us.
It is my greatest hope that whoever I may have helped with the sharing of my life experiences that they will come to a healthy heart too and in turn help those that come just behind them. Our experiences, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad; are gifts that are meant to be shared.
To my readers that have shared, “you have helped me so much!” YOU have helped me so much! You have validated my life and my experiences and so often made me feel less alone. Now that is a really great gift.
In this life, we are all more alike than not; we are all connected and we are all in this together …. Peace and all good things!