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When It Is More Important To Be Liked
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When It Is More Important To Be Liked

By Bernadette A. Moyer

Who doesn’t want to be liked? We have built a culture in our society that is driven by “likes” how many “likes” do you have on your page, article, post?

We all want that desired feeling of acceptance and likeability. Years ago I had an attorney refer to his client as “A really likeable guy.” The guy he was speaking about left his wife for another woman when she was pregnant and was a confirmed cocaine addict with bill collectors and other unsavory types constantly after him. He was in and out of court with driving offenses and never seemed to accept any responsibility for his choices in life. But … he was likeable!

This guy never took a stand, never had an opinion and never outwardly offended anyone. Was he a good person? I guess it matters whose yard stick is being used to measure him.

Most business owners know that if they display a religious or political statement, they could lose business from potential customers with another view. So they don’t take a stand nor do they speak out on any issues.

I was listening to Dr. Ben Carson from Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and during his speech he made numerous examples of how wanting to be politically correct has eroded our abilities to communicate. People are afraid to say what they think and what they know for fear of offending someone.

Parents often have to make decisions in raising their children that deem them unlikeable by their children.  I remember a time when one of my kids was failing and they became angry with me? And I said, “Let me get this straight, I should applaud your failure, tell you great job for NOT doing your assignments and for cutting class?” What kind of mother would I have been if being liked was more important than trying to install values like completing your work, being honest and giving it your best effort?

 “Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” Alexander Hamilton

 Dr. Carson talked about the importance of communication and of respect. We don’t have to agree on every issue but we should respect everyone’s right to an opinion. The type person, who slams someone with a different point of view without hearing him out, is nothing short of a bully.

No two people agree 100% on every single issue but out of discussion, dialogue and fighting for what you believe is right can help to flush out the best solutions. 

Having an opinion might cost us a few “likes” but truth be told, when we fear speaking our truth we have paid a far greater price in our silence. Not taking a stand, not being heard is a stand; it allows the louder voice and the bully pulpit to be heard and in this to win every single time.

Taking a Stand

by CD Taylor

Send me a light to guide my way

To carry me through my darkest day

Make my heart warm, soft and pure

But strong enough to endure 

 

Help me to walk a path that’s right

Keep my eyes on the guiding light

Let me harm none as I live my life

Let me not meddle in envy or strife

 

Let me be humble and to know my place

Help me remember life is not a race

It is not a contest to be lost or won

It should be filled with love, joy and fun

 

When I meet people who don’t understand

Let me help them as I take my stand

With kind actions, words and a helping hand

Let me not sink into their pits of sand 

Being “liked” and winning seems to have taken the place of standing up for what you believe is the right thing to do. What messages are we sending to our children when being politically correct has replaced being morally responsible and true to our own code of values? 

Not that long ago I was working with a team of people that openly kept their “truth” and true feelings from their Supervisor because they knew he wouldn’t like it. So to his face they were in complete compliance and as soon as he turned his back they did exactly as they wanted. They knew they would never be heard by this guy and they believed that they were right and he was wrong.  

This happens often in the workplace, “truth to power” people are afraid to stand up for what they believe is right and go up against someone is a position of authority.  

“Speaking your truth is an essential aspect of living a life of passion, fulfillment and authenticity. However, for many of us it is much easier to talk about speaking our truth than it is to actually do it.” Mike Robbins 

Being liked and politically correct might make you popular but it surely won’t be an authentic life of integrity. A really smart man isn’t afraid to hear from the opposition, because he knows that until all voices are heard, all positions are represented, the best solutions are seldom possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments
6 Comment count
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Stating your truth...

Good blog. Your son was blessed to have a mother who told him the truth.  In the long run, disagreements need not be a disagreeable thing in life.  Argumentation and debate over options can be very productive in reaching the best result just as you have stated.  We can all profit by being more open to others' truths and experiences.  

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Yes! We need to have the conversation ...

Thanks for reading me Sue! A healthy debate used to be a good thing and we learned to appreciative and to respect others with a different view from our own. Our culture today is one of fear, say nothing because you just may say the wrong thing. Then too we are afraid, afraid to be sorry for fear it may cost us something. Sorry implies guilt;

I love real people, the ones who have a passion and a viewpoint even if it is not my own.

 

 

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The Great Transition

Bernadette,

One only need recall  past "-isms" of the political left and right that have had their share of "excesses" manifested in intolerance and intimidation  (e.g., nazism and dictatorial socialism) to know that we are not the first culture to experience these phenomena.  The seemingly increasing prevalence of intolerant and uncivil behavior is a perception "created" in part by the repetitive 24-hour news coverage that "hammers" us relentlessly with this narrative, though no doubt, as well, when future historians look back on us with a broader perspective, they quite likely will label our contemporary times the Age of the Great Transition.  We are gradually abandoning centuries-old traditions, beliefs and rituals, leaving a great emptiness or vacuum in which many of us are drifting, rudderless and anchorless, from one passing fad to the next.

Some people, like Ms. Jepson in her recent blog on the declining observance of Lent, are able to extract the essential value of a tradition or ritual and apply in their daily lives even while losing belief in the original ritual itself, but the masses are largely flailing about in moral and social confusion.  The  Irish poet Yeats perhaps best captured our modern dilemna in his famous lines from "The Second Coming":  "The best lack all conviction and the worst are full of passionate intensity."

The pattern of history, however, is that we will not be in transition and confusion forever.  Some vibrant belief system, religious or political,  will eventually emerge and prevail  in this vacuum because it will seem appealing (like a savior) to the insecure and drifting masses. Those who don't freely choose this "savior" will be brainwashed and/or coerced to do so.   This likely scenario  is the preeminent challenge of our times and its resolution will decide our fate.

 

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I look forward ...

Brenden,

I hope you are right and I look forward to the emergence! I have a hard time with the news these days, it doesn't seem like "news" at all but rather editorial. The major networks seem like they are all editorial, all the time.  

I want to think about things, chew on it and then develop my own idea about it rather than having someone else force feed me. It clearly feels like we have been dumbed-down to where it is believed we can't or won't think on our own.

I will say this loudly, Dr. Benjamin Carson spoke to me. Common sense and a desire to problem solve rather than assign blame. How refreshing!

Thanks again for reading me and for all your comments! Peace, Bernadette

 

 

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"Wisdom"

Hi Bernadette,

I loved all your wisdom here so much, that I couldn't wait to send it to my friend! I also loved what Sue and Brenden added.  

My mother was a lot like you, and it's been my greatest blessing in my whole life! In fact, it's the most important thing that I've learned that I practice my very best to teach my children, and not just preach it! 

Thank you so much for sharing true wisdom!

Truly,

Catherine

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Hi Catherine!

Hi Catherine!

I love hearing from you! Your mom sounds like someone I would like, BTW, your pic always reminds me of my Italian cousins from NY!

I guess we all want to be "liked" but at what price? Hopefully there will be a shift for us, all of us, to be more about teaching and living an authentic life.

Peace friend! Bernadette