For years my sister has been earmarking hats for my wedding; proper hats, not fascinators...

I expect that at William and Kate’s wedding Andrew and Sarah’s daughters will sport one of these bird’s nests on their head. At my wedding I shall ban fascinators because they are rarely flattering.

At one point I stopped going to weddings; too often I felt the urge to shout ‘Don’t do it!’ at the happy couple.

I am a lost cause but on April 29th I am in London... So in the unlikely case that you are a red-headed authoress with deceased parents and attracted to overweight, bald writers wearing glasses...

Read Arnold Jansen op de Haar’s column on the Holland Park Press website.