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Olympic Buttocks by Arnold Jansen op de Haar

The Frenchman Robert Marchand recently set the cycling world hour record for riders over one hundred years old. Older men never feel ashamed. I remember an elderly Belgian teetered across the finish line shouting: ‘I’m feeling good, I’m still quite fit!’

Triathlon participants tend to wear tight-fitting outfits, revealing every muscle, which is not always such a delight. Occasionally it makes me hanker after the Middle Ages, when most sports required wearing armour.

My view is that, the moment you realise you’ve missed your chance of appearing at the Olympic Games, you should give up sport. Yet we live in a sport-loving culture: if you can’t run any more, you take up walking.

But what about these Olympic Buttocks?