After I began writing the third chapter in my new erotic novel, Love in Malawi, trying to develop and spice up the main characters, choosing intelligent and exotic locations for the plot, edging the sensual characters into suggestive and sexually stirring situations, I’d decided to call Janis, my editor in New York City. I had to explain to her that I was the least stimulating author to write an original erotic novel.
“You’re the perfect erotic novelist,” she said.
“Please explain,” I said.
“First of all you’ve traveled the world, lived in exotic places, worked under hazardous conditions and socialized with who knows how many wealthy noble citizens. Add all that together and you’ve got an erotic novel.”
“You left out how I beat up the bad guys,” I said, “and killed a few devil’s advocates, and saved a dozen children from starvation. Seducing women in exciting sexual situations wasn’t my forte.”
Silence filled our Skype connection. She looked straight into my eyes from her iPad. “Listen to me carefully, Ben, You’ve slept with women in China, Croatia, Greece, Turkey, Australia, Africa, Mexico, and you know all about the other women. You also know what women like sexually. You’ve experienced a broad range of female sexual identities and sexual behaviors, the physiological, psychological, social, cultural, political, spiritual and religious aspects of sex with them. Some of those sexual skills are in your novels Dubrovnik, “Vitruvian Man” and Regeneration. You’re the perfect erotic novelist. You knew Marilyn Monroe and even wrote the novel, Marilyn, “It’s All Make Believe, Isn’t It.”
She hit a grand slam in my professional and social behavior, but all that didn’t mean I was the perfect erotic novelist.
I looked back at her through my iPad. “You’re right on all those accounts. But to make Love in Malawi a great erotic piece of literature I want to co-write the novel with Tessa. You know her she’s my research assistant. She’s a published writer, an excellent copyeditor and has a beautiful sense of sexual creativity…as she told me.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet,” she said. “Okay. Tessa Blade is your co-writer. You guys better deliver together, because if you don’t I’ll fly out there to California and burn all your books.”
“Love it when you’re defeated,” I said. “If you come out here I’ll introduce you to the Carmel community where Jack London used to hang-out a hundred years ago with the bohemians.”
“When I go to California I’ll be hanging out in San Francisco. I want you to show me where you grew up at 402 Avalon Avenue and attended Monroe School.”
“Our three-story old house was demolished in 1960,” I said. “You know, 402 Avalon is the title of my next work after Love in Malawi. If you’re lucky I might submit it to you for publication.”
“If Love in Malawi is the dope I expect it will be, I’ll kill you if you don’t submit 402 Avalon to me.”
“Wow, Janis” I said. “You’re emotional nerve endings are like sexual responses.”
“See,” she laughed. “Maybe you’re not the perfect erotic novelist. Tessa Blade just might be better than you. Put her to work and complete the novel.”
As you might have gathered by now, Tessa Blade is the author of Love in Malawi. Publication is contracted for February 2013.