When I was a child, I went through many horrible things. I was a victim of incest.  I was four, when my one of my aunts, Judith who’s also biological mother’s youngest sister had an intercourse with me several times. My biological mother, Catherine and her family were calling me names and they use to view me as a person with special needs or a person with down syndrome. When my biological mother went out, she use to lock me home and I was staying home a lot. At school, I was bullied and also called “down syndrome”. My biological mother lost her father, while we were in France and she often blamed it on me and my father. When I was a kid, I was also afraid of dogs and dogs were always running after me. There was a time when a dog ran after me and my biological mother was just looking and when I ran towards the other side of the road, I was nearly hit by a car. My biological mother came and she beat me to death and she kept on calling me names. I was between 7 and 8 years old. She often viewed me as a mentally retarded person. 

 My biological mother is a type of a person who always complained about anything and playing the blame game. My dad use to be very angry at her and he stood up for me. My father was disciplining me, when I was making bad decisions. He did it because he loves me and because he taught me that life has consequences. My father made lots of sacrifices for me and he is one of my heroes.  My siblings haven’t really faced what I faced. My father was a jurist and he also worked in a chamber of commerce in Republic of the Congo.   Some of my extended family members of my father’s side have rejected me because they view me as a person with special needs. I was often called “the rejected child”. In this blog, I am going to call my biological mother, Catherine because in my opinion she’s not my mother because she was never a mother to me. In the end of the 1980s, my father divorced Catherine and when he threw her out of the house, I was glad and I felt free and my father married again and my step mother gave me so much love and she’s been the mother I needed for so long and she has also nurtured me. And to me she’s not my step mother, she is my mother.

While my dad was providing, she was nurturing us and giving us guidance. My dad was a happy man again so was I and my siblings. I was happy that my Catherine and her family are out of my life.  In 1995, Catherine and her family came home and they causing problems with my mother and my siblings, while my father was in South Africa and me in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where my lovely mother comes from. Catherine and her family kidnapped my younger siblings, while they were going at school. My mother was very furious and so was I and they were threatening her, if she does not deliver me to them. I cried and I said to my mother “I don’t want to go there and be with that evil woman” and I was only fourteen. There were some of my father’s cousins who also contributed to the kidnapping of my siblings because they didn’t like my mother. They didn’t like her because she’s from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. When my father came back to the Congo from South Africa, he was furious so much that he was close to sue the kidnapers, but some of my uncles tried to convince him to solve this issue in the “African way”. Man! What the hell is the African way? While is being at Catherine’s place and her family she kept on doing the same thing and having the same attitude. Whining and complaining about every single thing and blaming my father for everything.  There was time when she talking about some king of her stupid and infantile dream, I quote”I dreamt that I was looking for a job and I came in a certain office and it was filled with human waste and I saw Mr. Nzomono-Balenda sitting up there, while I was surrounded with human waste and he was laughing at me”. I was like what...? That woman must really be mentally ill.

I can’t believe that she gave birth to me and I can’t even believe that she’s a university graduate.  My whole family were trying to find solutions, which are in our best interests, while we still at Catherine’s house and she was living with her mother and one of her younger sisters, Elizabeth, while Judith was involved in prostitution with a Vietnamese man. After a family meeting, we were fetched by two of our cousins and I was happy to see my parents again and a couple of months later, we left for South Africa and from that time, I never saw Catherine again and I decided to not anything to do with her and her family from the age of 8.  My innocence was stolen from me and I never asked for this. I was only four years old, when it began and I wonder why…?  Catherine is dead to me and I don’t want see her. Both her and her family they are all dead to me and I will never forgive them for this conduct. In this life, you make a choice and every choice you make has consequences and we reap what we sow. If you mistreat others, then be prepared when your turn comes. A loss is not an excuse to make such choices.  

They need to deal with the consequences of their actions and I am responsible for my justice no one is. Justice does not come cheap and there is a price to pay for that.   You may say “Why are you telling us your story?” I can understand you and I would like to let you know that I have never written about this personal story of mine and I have always been weary of doing that. But I decided to give it a shot because it’s an opportunity for me to deal with the matters and perhaps bring awareness about what child abuse can be like. I am also telling you my story because I feel like it’s important to share such a story so that someone can learn from it. I am not trying to give moral lessons about abuse.  These things affect you for ever and in my case, I have to fight for my life. That’s why I find comfort in hard work, success and setting productive goals for my life.  I write books, I paint, I do sport sometimes.

I am restoring myself. I take a stand against these things because they are wrong and destructive. In my eyes, the people who have done this to me are dead. These things have affected my life for over two decades and I never asked for them. Nobody must accept this because it’s evil. I don’t just value the importance of hard work, but the way I work is important because every decision I make today has an influence in what’s going to happen tomorrow. Today, I do what I can to work my way out of success so that I can walk in victory. Victory means a lot to me.   “Now you’re telling us about your story. Have you considered seeing a shrink?”   Yes I did, but I am not ready for it yet and I don’t trust any shrink because I am more comfortable dealing with this problem on my own. Of course they are going to be challenges and I am going to face them one step at a time. If I feel like I can’t cope with it, I will consider talking to friends and a  shrink as well. But that’s something, I would consider later, if I fail to cope with these matters.  

“What does it mean to you being an author?”  

Being an author to me is about is more than just writing a book. It’s about having an imagination on how to share your thoughts with your readers. Being an author is about connecting with other authors and learning from them and also having a relationship with your readers and listening to them. It’s about credibility and trust.   

Do you consider finding comfort in religion? 

No. I am not a religious person and I don’t believe that there’s a deity. I will fight hard and step up to my plate so that I can get my life back. I don’t need a religion for that. I was a Christian before and it has done more harm to me than good and I don’t want to live my life following religious laws and in my opinion, we don’t need religion to dog us about morality. There is more in this life than following religious doctrines and my approach has always been, if you are a religious person, you have a right to believe, but religion is a personal matter. If you insist on trying to  convert others into your religion, then be consistent in providing evidence, else expect mockery and ridicule. Religion is the last thing I need, what I need is to take steps so that I can get my life back and make a masterpiece out of it.  

 For more information about preventing child abuse, please go to: 

http://helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm 

http://www.childabuse.org/ http://www.who.int/topics/child_abuse/en/ 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/sep/28/sex-abuse-religion-vatican 

http://www.stopcsa.org/InternationalCSA.cfm  

Sites about abuse  in French 

http://www.med.univ-rennes1.fr/etud/pediatrie//abus-sexuels.htm http://www.urgence-pratique.com/2articles/Pediatrie/Abus-sexuels.htm  http://pagesperso-orange.fr/jacques.nimier/abus-sexuel.htm http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abus_sexuel_sur_mineur