where the writers are
The last year

OK
Lets re-cap my year:
Nov 07- breakdown
Feb08- uncle dies of colon cancer
Mar 08- car dies- 800.00 to fix
April 08- Father has a stroke
May 08- Andre's car dies
June 08- Car dies again
July 08- Andre's car dies again
Aug 08- my car dies again
sept 08- Andre loses his job
Oct 08- Get into a car accident and LIVE
Not to mention the bankruptcie
the relationship on the skids
the lack of any tangible connection between myself and Andre or anyone for that matter
The thinking having an open relationship would save us
the having an affair knowingly with the same person separately
what does it all mean?
I just wish there was someone who could find a reason for all this

And thats just this year!
Fuck can this year just end already!

So GOD you sure have some 'plaining to do!
What is exactly is my purpose?
And why save me?
I am so over life let me tell you!
OK so I am here alive breathing or trying to
NOW WHAT?????
Is there a purpose or design or reason for all this shit?
My head and my heart and my soul are broken
completely and utterly broken
nothing left to give
my strength has been tested and GOD you won!
I m done empty alone
I have no one
I am nothing
and See no reason for all of this destruction in my life
Its all I can do to get up every day
I want more than surviving
I want more then existing
I want more than this
I want me back
I want my life back
and I want to be free
I want my soul back
I want someone to save me
I need to save myself
GOD your all i have
and yet I can not hear any answers from you
Just more shit
I wish you did not have so much faith in me
Because I am weak and unworthy
and ready to run,run, run far far away
This is my bottom
and this is me drowning
and this is my hand reaching
and this is me holding my breath underwater
waiting waiting waiting
for a hand
for an answer
for life preserver.

Somebody save me
Save yourself is the answer.

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