Open and Revealing

Annette,

Thanks for sharing your honest, refreshing and remarkedly insightful observations on aging, but you're  not really that old yet.  What you're experiencing are just the beginning stages. Wait 'til you turn 70! It's all relative.

The biggest change (other than the inevitable ones you mentioned about one's physical state and foods) I've noticed is a willingness to be more open about my inner feelings and self-image.  For males, at least in the  midwest culture of my youth, one learned early to keep any feelings, doubts and insecurties deep inside one's self  at the peril of being judged unmanly.  Any inkling  given to others of that  failing/deficiency (except to your mother), as the cliche goes, was a fate worse than death.  [On being more self-revelatory, see my blog "Far Lower Than Angels and Little More Than Beasts"]

There was the constant, unrelenting stress (if not exhaustion)  from being in competitive situations, first in school  and social activities and later in the workplace.  Although such pressure does encourage (even "force") one to do his very best and some men, from what I'm told, actually thrive on this competition (probably the ones who see themselves as winners), it also takes a heavy toll on one's peace of mind or lack thereof.  Then, there are the inevitable "losing" situations that are a real challenge to survive, shall we say, and emerge from unscathed.  One is wiser but diminished (to echo poet Robert Frost). So there are both losses and gains, with an increasing imbalance of losses as one gets older. 

Retirement, if one is financial stable, secure and in reasonably good health (as I luckily am) brings with it, as you found even at your younger age  while still earning new income from productive work, a certain sense of freedom and boldness. One has MADE it  still intact, in a sense, to an area near the finish line.  One's life becomes more a matter of what HAS BEEN and less of what WILL BE!  It takes considerable  daily perseverance and resilience to live with this knowledge and remain positive and happy.

To live up to my earlier  claim  of being more honest and self-revelatory in my old age, I'd have to say my outlook or view of life right now is "Whatever will be, will be." I've had to learn, sometimes, painfully, how to "let go" and give up more and more "control" with each passing moment.

Thanks for posting a topic that helped me clarify my own thoughts  about aging, life and death. Looking over what I've just written, even I am surprised how self-revelatory I am comfortable being on this public blog.  Hopefully, it's not because of senility.

Brenden