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Of Dreams Deferred

I am emotionally drained...

Yesterday we went to see the last Harry Potter movie. I was misty eyed during the opening scenes, and sobbing thirty minutes into the movie. Call me a mush-head.

Less than two hours later, I was watching the last episode of my favorite television show, Friday Night Lights. I found the ending strangely flat and attributed my lack of emotion to my overwrought state brought on by the movie. 

But later, as I tried to fall asleep, images and snatches of conversation from the show kept running through my head. I realized I had unconsciously detached myself emotionally from the final episode because it was hitting too close to home.

Let me explain: Coach Taylor has moved his family around for 18 years for his job. His wife Tammy, has accepted his decisions and has worked hard to create a home and carve a place for herself in each town- mainly as a high school guidance counselor.

Tammy was offered the position of Director of Admissions at a fictional small college on the East Coast, far from Texas. She asks her husband to consider moving for HER job this time.

There is tension in the final episode as Tammy tries to get her husband to listen to her. She wants a chance to live her dream for the first time. He has been living his for the past 18 years. She finally tells him she is not going to take the job because, "she will never win this argument."

Seven years ago I was in a similar position. I had been offered a chance to do the work I loved with a "dream team" of people. I had the same conversation with my then husband. I had been a loyal corporate wife for 18 years. I had been uprooted time and again for his job. I had created a home, and now it was my turn. I wanted to live my own dream.

Tammy and Coach moved to Pennsylvania and in the final scenes. He is shown coaching a new group of high school kids, as Tammy walks around the college campus clearly happy with her new position.

My situation did not have a happy ending. We divorced soon after I took the job but, as the Coach and his wife told their newly engaged daughter and her fiance- marriage is about listening. It's about mutual respect for each person's dream. It's about compromise. 

Only then does love conquer all.

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Hit a nerve with this one

We uprooted our entire family for my job 13 years ago, and eventually moved back two years later. I don't think my marriage has ever been the same. Resentment, empowerment, and discovering whether you can rely on one another (or not) tests even the strongest of bonds. Our brain is amazing, only allowing us to feel as much as we can shoulder at one time.

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Kelly, Exactly! My brain


Exactly! My brain just finally went into a detached mode in order to cope with all of the moves and the 70 hour work weeks, the eventual traveling 5 days a week. I just went to some sort of auto pilot and felt almost numb for those years.

It's all a process, even five years after the divorce, trying to make sense of it all.