Today I have a guest blogger~ my son. He asked if he could write a blog post about the recent break-up with his girlfriend. With very little editing, this is his post. Remember your first break-up? ~ Annette
I like girls, a lot. I have dated a few girls here and there, but not for any extended period time. Then I met my last girlfriend.
She was great. She understood my quirkiness and all of my other weird antics. She could read me like a book, and I could do the same to her. She was the complete package except for one thing: I was her first boyfriend.
For the most part, a first boyfriend/girlfriend in this era means you “go out” for a short period of time, hold hands and most likely not kiss. You always get really attached to that person because you’ve never felt this way about someone before. For me, this experience happened freshman year.
I was her first, and she got really, REALLY attached. At first, I thought it was okay. But when she had to be in contact with me 24/7, I kind of got a little fed up.
I’m a seventeen year old guy, I need my space every once in a while. When I asked her to back off a little, she got very defensive and emotional. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind when a girl gets emotional sometimes, but not every day when I don’t get super duper happy when I see her.
She started throwing out phrases like “you’re the only one I’ll ever love” and “I’ll never love anyone besides you”. Then I legitimately got concerned. I'm the first guy you’ve ever dated, at age seventeen, and you think you’re going to love me for the rest of your life? Crazy talk! But, stupid as I was, I agreed with her.
I made that mistake only because I didn’t want to lose her. Then it hit me- this isn’t me. I'm not that guy. I can’t keep living in a lie. I need to tell the truth, and if she can’t handle it, then I think our relationship is over.
That decision was especially hard since we had been dating for seven months, longer than I had ever dated a girl. We talked it over for a few nights, and then made the decision to try and once more.
I tried, but I realized it wasn't going to work for me, I was just in too much of a funk. We talked the next day and that’s when I broke up with her.
That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I felt awful for the whole day. The next morning, she tried to take shots at me and accuse me of lying. I redirected her to a Facebook status I saw earlier that day:
"Seriously girls quit whining about how guys are 'mean' and 'liars.' They aren't perfect and neither are you. Don't be in a relationship if you can't handle that."
It was a classic “first relationship” issue. You threw everything you had at me and I reluctantly accepted so we wouldn’t break up, but when you found out everything I said wasn’t entirely true, you blame me for every problem you have for the next three months. I have accepted the role of being the “jerk” and such, but those false connotations of me will wear off soon enough.
One quote I found really struck me with how true it is:
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
I hope I can still at least hold a conversation with this girl, but if not, I’ll move on. That’s just a part of growing up. The Who wasn’t lying when they said, “It’s only teenage wasteland”.
About Annette
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Causes Annette Talbert Supports
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, RIF (Reading is Fundamental),
Hands On Foundation, Dignity U Wear, Girls, Inc.








Annette, Thanks to you and
Annette, Thanks to you and your son for sharing. Your son is brave for sharing his feelings openly. He sounds like quite a mature human being and I admire his honesty and sticking with what he knows is right—staying true to himself. He reminds me just how insecure young women can be—I definitely see a little of myself in the girl when I was in high school. Glad that chapter is over!
Apt quote about relationships and glass. That is a great general reminder. And if the glass is broken, we can only work on putting ourselves back together.
What Self-Insight!
To your son,
As an old person, contrasting my immature past self then to you at 17 now, I can only say you have both amazingly mature self-insight and clarity combined with an unusual ability to communicate in plain English exactly what you have experienced. You impress me as being fully "in touch" with reality and your own "being."
To Annette,
That is a great idea to introduce a guest blogger, especially when he has something as interesting and insightful as this blog to share with us. Your son has renewed my faith in and raised my expectations for his generation, shattering the stereotype of the "unserious" and irresponsible teenager. You are a fortunate mother indeed!
Please invite him back as a guest anytime.
Your son knows at 17 what I
Your son knows at 17 what I didn't learn until I was 33, and brave for sharing his experience.
Rebbecca, Brenden and
Rebbecca, Brenden and Monique,
Your comments brought tears to my eyes. When I read his entry for the first time I was crying. I know parents are naturally proud of their children, but there is something very unique about this child of mine. He is the most like me: intuitive, sensitive, passionate and very articulate.
He has been wrestling with this decision for a couple of months. He is mature and way ahead of where I was at a seventeen. Monique, it took me years to learn this lesson too.
Thank you all for responding to his post. I am passing on your comments to him. I hope he tries this again sometime.
Annette
Thank your son for sharing an honest perspective
Perspective is everything in a relationship. Your son showed compassion as he tried to look at the relationship with both peoples feelings in mind. It wasn't selfish nor was it purposefully hurtful. The fact that he chose honesty over obligation, and truth over guilt is a testament to the foundation he was raised with. We all learn from our children, and we are better for it. And isn't it shocking when they learn from us as well.
Honesty Over Obligation
YES! "Honesty over obligation" is the dilemna I most dislike facing in life but one that invariably recurs in the many roles/relationships we have (home/family, workplace, social situations, etc). One rarely emerges unscathed, even if the wiser from this experience.
Honesty Over Obligation
YES! "Honesty over obligation" is the dilemna I most dislike facing in life but one that invariably recurs in the many roles/relationships we have (home/family, workplace, social situations, etc). One rarely emerges unscathed, even if the wiser from this experience.
Good blog
Your son is indeed articulate and quite mature at seventeen. I have often said that the most mature teens are the ones who recognize their own immaturity and are honest and fine with that. It is wonderful to be young and a shame to waste youth pretending to be older and ready for burdening responsibiliites. I hope the young lady learns from this experience and does not fall "in love" so quickly next time. (Although I bet your son was easy to fall in love with.)