To Whom this May Concern;
I'm writing in response to the Hedge Fund analyst position you currently have posted on Craigslist. I am very interested in this position because from what I understand there is a substantial amount of money to be made through hedge funds. Now, I don't actually know what a hedge fund is and I don't actually have any experience with hedge funds. But I have some experience with hedge hogs. Well, not with hedge hogs directly (they're kinda pokey aren't they?)... What I have is experience painting hedge hogs. Like on canvas- not painting the actual hedge hogs. That would be mean. And unnecessary.
Additionally, although I have no experience working with hedge funds, I am extremely driven and willing to learn. In fact it turns out, I'm actually quite smart. Let me tell you how I know this; My friend told me. Before you laugh, I have to tell you that my friend actually has some expertise in measuring smartness levels. (I'm kidding with you there- see I know that what is measured is actually "intelligence", not "smartness levels". Come on now.) So anyway, my friend was in her masters program and working to be a Learning Disability Specialist. So she practiced administering the Woodcock-Johnson test on me. (She said she wanted to practice on me because she had hunch I might be smart, but I kinda wonder about that sometimes). So yeah, I ended up scoring pretty well in most areas. There was one area...not so much. But who cares if you totally suck in one little area when you totally kick ass in so many others?
I believe I meet most of the requirement you're looking for in a candidate. I have a 4-year degree (it took me 6) in Biology. My academic performance was fairly strong: 3.69. Yes it killed me to miss magna cum laude by 1/100th of a point. Made me want kick my stupid film professor really hard in the shin for giving me a "B" and ruining my GPA for such a stupid, meaningless class. I mean it was supposed to be fun. Just because I didn't regurgitate his praise for "The 7th Seal" in my final essay. It totally sucked. Especially because I came to class expecting a Demi Moore movie. But I digress.
Excellent interpersonal skills? Check. Example; One of my previous managers continuously commented about my co-worker and I talking and laughing all the time... Good times. Well, she didn't comment so much as scream at us. But other than that, we had fun. I miss her (the coworker, not the manager). Strong analytical and quantitative skills? Check. Algebra, Calculus, Statistics... Accounting skills? Well, I gotta tell ya- I've been a countin' since I was five. Ha. Funny.
Did you say team environments? I love team environments. I work really well in a team environment, as long as there are no sports involved. (Hate sports. I'm really more of an artsy person.) Organizational skills? I have experience organizing all sorts of things- I'm sort of anal about it (not like obsessive-compulsive anal, but a normal, healthy level of analness). You should see my bookshelves- I have them organized by size AND subject. That was NOT easy.
Multi-tasking? I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. Now before you say, "hey, that's not multi-tasking", I should remind you that it often also involves interpersonal communication and standing upright in heels while intoxicated all at the same time... See? It's multi-tasking. Now, is it actually multi-tasking or multitasking? Because there seems to be some disagreement amongst my various spell-checkers/spellcheckers... Is that detail-oriented of me or what? :)
Well, if you're willing to train the right person let me know. Thank you for time and consideration.
PS- I was just kidding about the cherry stem thing. I haven't done that in YEARS.
PPS- Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
FDIC insured. (There I go again... Come on now, I'm not a bank.) (Read more letters at: http://funfortheunemployed.blogspot.com )
Causes Anna Nimus Supports
International Association of Pasta Mosaic Artists (aka Macaroni: Not Just a Song Anymore)
Black Velvet Painting Appreciation Society