Under the Radar in Plain Sight
The crap will hit the fan once he finally remembers my last name.
Because my ex-husband is paralyzed by what people think of him. PARALYZED. One of our daughters quipped the other day: "If I got hit by a car, Dad would probably be upset that I might have hurt the other person's car."
And so if he saw this blog, it would probably detonate nerve cells in his brain that could fry eggs in Kentucky.
And I thought I should tell him. About this blog (and the old one). Because I'm not trying to trick him. I'm just trying to write about my life. (And tell the world what a total jerk he had been). [Which I guess might make me a jerk too :)].
So I did. I told him. And I was so scared to do it. Because I figured that he'd Google me right away, and the jig would be up. I was picturing--actually--J. coming down to my house to make a citizen's arrest. Because he has a vision of himself that he carefully inculcates. Kind of like me with my cosmetics. And he's big into the military and law enforcement. So I thought if something qualified in his mind for a citizen's arrest it would be this. His ex-wife telling the truth about the stuff that he doesn't want people to know.
But I told him about the blog months ago. At least five months. And nothing happened. I got all hotfired up for battle. And nothing. And then I realized via a separate event: he doesn't remember my maiden name. And, apparently, doesn't care enough to find out.
Which I find slightly comical. Because his self-focus is really saving my butt.
Still, though, it seems jerky of me to keep at it using his real first name (since people could probably figure out who he is by Googling my name [since, you know, other people actually KNOW my name]) so I'm going back and changing all posts to just initials.
I just wanted to let everyone know about it so that way no one mistakenly reads any of the updates that will be coming down the pike.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
—Unknown (but most likely paraphrased from the Buddha)
About Amy
I was born to a pair of hippies who then became yuppies who then became divorced.
I grew up in various areas of Northern California, and spent my teens and early twenties searching for meaning, but only found over-thinking and isolation. And--perhaps not...
Connections
Amy’s Favorite Books
Of Human Bondage
Lord of the Rings
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Last Temptation of Christ
Brave!
Amy,
I applaud you in writing about your life on Red Room. You are remarkable to speak the truth. Kudos!
Thanks, Eva. Can't wait to
Thanks, Eva. Can't wait to get in and read your blog.
I agree with Eva that you're
I agree with Eva that you're brave, but tread lightly to protect your daughters. He is their father. However much of a jerk he may be, he's part of them. I apologize if I've overstepped. You seem to be a caring, devoted mother, so I'm sure you have their best interests in mind.
I changed the wording, Jodi.
I changed the wording, Jodi. To reflect my concern that the "jerk" comment would be read without the humor with which it was intended.
Also, J. and I--at this point--have a pretty friendly relationship (the jealous girlfriend has certainly put a crimp in it, however). But no one on here knows that, so I just wanted to be a bit clearer.
So, thanks for helping me see it from someone else's eyes!
So true, Jodi. It's all
So true, Jodi. It's all water under the bridge--happening six years ago--and the girls don't even remember all the awful details. Which--because of my own parents ugly divorce--is exactly how I wanted it. Moving them past that kind of trauma while ensuring that they loved him and didn't blame themselves for his move was the most delicate thing I've ever done. Because I knew at the time he'd eventually come back since I didn't really believe that, at his core, he was THAT guy who could do something like that without life-altering guilt.
My "jerk" comment was more of a backhanded dig at myself. Because I'm obviously slamming his behavior during that time, and should be honest about my own less-than-lofty motives.
Anyways, no apologies necessary. I completely understand where the concern is coming from. Because kids can't love themselves if they fear there is a part of themselves that is extremely flawed or unlovable; and their parent is most definitely part of themselves.
So glad you didn't take
So glad you didn't take offense at my remarks and even more pleased that you protect your children. I've just seen too many parents forget that. "All water under the bridge" shows that you don't hold on to pain, which is a healthy lesson for kids. One I sometimes struggle with, but am always working on.