I suppose that the last thing a writer in my position would want to do is doubt himself. But that is exactly what I am doing right now.
Having had several false starts over the past few months, I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever have it in me again to do the things I've done before; to go back to writing and publishing books.
When I look back at it, I find it rather daunting. How on earth did I manage to pull it off only god knows. Most people out there have no idea how much work I've put in to complete, publish and promote my last book Moments, which was launched in the autumn of 2006.
Over the summer, I've done the work of what usually takes an entire team to achieve. I was my own editor, agent, graphic designer, art director, copywriter, event manager and media co-coordinator. I designed my own book cover, my own posters and flyers, and distributed them, wrote my own Press releases, and sent them out, organised meetings, interviews, secured venues, contacted media, sent out invitations, and created my own website, from design to content. Everything!
Right now, it looks to me as if that guy was someone else altogether. Some sort of super-writer! Where did all that energy and motivation came from? Two years later, here I am, seemingly helpless, intimidated by my own self!
Deep down inside of me, I know that I can do it again, and that I can even do a bigger and better job. But lack of motivation is wrecking me, dragging me down, making me lag behind.
An artist friend of mine told me that surely it will come back, and that once it does one shouldn't take his/her foot off the pedal. You see, for any creative person, inspiration is one thing, but motivation is an entirely different story. I've lost mine. And what we have to keep in mind is that motivation changes and that it's not always the same.
You've got to ask yourself why are you doing this now? You've got to find your drive, your reason, behind wanting, or needing, to do it. That is your motivation. The goal you seek.
As I try to get back on track and pay attention to my writing projects, I realise that I have to redefine that motivation. It's not going to be the same. I have to find a new one. But as long as I have my eyes set on it, I will be able to achieve what I had thought I couldn't.
You need a plan of action, and you need focus to pour and direct your resources properly. No matter how massive the task may seem, it can be completed when you put everything in place and take it one step at a time.
Writers, and artists alike, will know that this could be detrimental to their careers. There will always be ups and downs, but when the time comes, you must recognise the necessity of redefinition.