Have you ever come across a former ex or crush and wondered what life would've been like if you had ever gone down the path you wanted to go down originally?
I came across a man I had a crush on a long time ago. He was with his girlfriend (something a gay man rarely wants to see) at a thrift store I frequently patronize. It had been a long time since we met up in person and he hasn't really changed at all. He's a very attractive man for his ethnic group, but in many ways, he still is a slimeball. He attributes some of his shady mannerisms and nuances to being part of said ethnic group, a big turn off in my eyes. I believe that the men I date have to have a certain degree of personal accountability, morality and ethcs (in addition to good looks, a great smile, a sliver of intellegence and a nice laugh.) It seemed to me that he still was the same guy, trying to beat the system, trying to find the loopholes so that he could take as much as he could for very little effort.
In short, I was given a reminder of why I didn't really care for him. I was thankful that the door between me and him closed in that area, and that I didn't try to make it more than what it really was (or what it should've been).
Life will throw those things at you. It will throw in the ex lovers, the crushes, the infatuations, whatever you want to call them. It's like a test of sorts, kind of like to see if you have grown up. I am happy to say that I have, for the most part, moved on. The one thing that shocked me though was that I still had feelings for him; not of the romantic kind, nor of the sexual kind, but the kind where you feel that sort of empathic connection between the two of you. There's intimacy on some levels, but not all; it's kind of like the friend's house where the parents let you pretty much go into every room except their room, you got almost full access most non-blood related people never received.
In any case, I still care for him, just not the same way I used to a few years ago.I have moved on and I am eagerly awaiting whatever I just happen to come across.