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Captain's Blog - Stardate January 15, 2009

Just three short weeks ago, I weighed 900 pounds and lived in a dumpster - now, I have two beautiful homes, a gorgeous trophy wife and three darling, well balanced children - yet I work only 2 days a month! How do I do it, I hear you ask - simple - I got a government bailout. Despite running an elaborate Ponzi scheme for the past twenty years, and mailing valuables to my relatives while on bail, I still live in my penthouse apartment! So if you're white, upper-middle or upper-class, claim your piece of the pie right now! The government is giving away billions of dollars of YOUR money - and you're entitled to a piece of it. Don't miss this boat - operators are standing by to strip you of your life-savings - sorry, help you take advantage of a scheme that has been running successfully since 1776 - don't miss it!(results not typical).