Below is a synopsis of my forthcoming novel, WANK.  The U.S. rights are available, and any publishing-types who wish to see the entire proposal, please email AlanWrites@cs.com.

In late 2006, Alan Goldsher’s A Pretty Good Read, his acclaimed unauthorized biography of platinum-selling indie rockers Modest Mouse, hit the bookstores.

In an early 2007 interview in Rolling Stone magazine, Isaac Brock, Modest Mouse’s unhinged leader, called Alan, “…a fuckin’ ass and an asshole.”

Later that year, in the indie rock rag Under the Radar, Brock got even more graphic, saying, “I can say this in print, and I’m willing to do jail time: If I ever see that guy, I’m going to beat his ass into a bloody pulp. I will do everything short of killing him.”

Now that whole incident might not seem like the basis for a broad comedy. But Alan, well, his perspective on life is a bit skewed, thus he presents WANK, the story of an intrepid journalist, a veteran arena rocker, secrets, lies, and oboes.

It’s 1999. New York City. Sebastian Temple, the 38-year-old substance-abusing leader of the hugely popular grunge-cum-punk-cum-pop band Wank, is hiding something, and 38-year-old journalist Nick Long is determined to find out what. Did Sebastian kill one of his drug dealers? Is the macho guitar hero really a post-op transsexual? Is he a closet Kenny G fanatic?

None of the above. Turns out that Sebastian Temple – who’s allegedly overdosed 18 times – is actually Doug Grinberg, tea-totaling, oboe-toting dweeb from Long Island. After almost seven years on the top of the rock ‘n’ roll heap – and ten years of pretending to be a jerk-off – Grinberg dreams to again be nice: he wants a nice girl, a nice house in a nice suburb, and a nice soundproof room where he can wail on his oboe anytime he damn well pleases.

But Nick has some dreams, too. Born with a guitar in his hand, the well-respected, high-profile scribe longs to toss aside his laptop become a Wank-like mega-star. One problem: he sucks. Can’t sing, can’t strum, can do nothin’. So he asks Grinberg to help him learn guitar and realize his rock fantasy, and Grinberg agrees…so long as Nick tosses his journalistic principles aside and keeps that whole Temple thing under wraps. Nick agrees…kind of.

Enter the beguiling Erika Edgecombe, Wank’s producer and the new apple of Nick’s eye; unfortunately for the writer, Erika only has eyes for Grinberg. A bit of sabotage, a whole lot of subterfuge, and several dozen lies later, Sebastian Temple and Nick Long both overdose, only to be reborn with their dreams fulfilled and their future happiness assured.

            Hilarious and surprisingly touching, WANK explores the symbiotic relationships between an artist and the press, between the cool dude and the nerd, and between the girl, and the guy…and the other guy.