It’s hard fitting into the suburban lifestyle. You’ve got to have the right pants. So, I set off for the mall. It had to be khakis. Armed with Dockers Khaki Stain Defenders, I headed to the changing room. Immediately after pulling up the zipper, the terrifying sensation of having concrete poured on to my groin developed. These pants were designed to rip the lash from your libido, a fabric manufactured to eliminate the desire for copulation. No wonder the doctor’s office was jammed with suburbanites dressed in Dockers, demanding Viagra. Were these pants designed by the government to keep population growth under control and to save Social Security in the future? And added to the swirl of cock neutering was the fact that no sensible attractive woman would ever look twice at a man wearing a pair of Dockers Stain Defenders, the most boring pants in sartorial history. I quickly removed the cotton castration before permanent damage could be done. I left them on the changing room floor, afraid to touch them. I washed my hands immediately. The conclusion - Dockers Khakis are the most dangerous pants known to mankind. Avoid them unless you wish your mister misery.