A recent opinion poll indicated that 53% thought Shakespeare was overrated. An opinion poll conducted in my Scottish high school on January 16th 1978 returned a result that stunned the English Department and prompted alot of shouting from the Masters. 100% of the student body thought Shakespeare was "total rubbish." Some students demanded that it be removed from the curriculum, as it was obviously an attempt by the English to foist their cultural rubbish on to their vanquished Scottish inferiors. Who cared about some ponce who couldn't make up his mind, or some bird who wrecked her man's chances - where was the genius in that bunch of old cobblers?
So I, who could see the point of Willy's endeavors, translated him into Glaswegian-Scottish. Here's what I wrote:
Tae be or no tae be, Whit kinda stupit question is that? Ah've been hit on the heid wi arrows and catapults and said "come ahead" tay every type o' nutter and who knows when you'll get yer heid tae play wi or huv tae call an undertaker. Ah've hid many a heart attack worrying aboot things, but none more so when a accidentally plugged masel intae the electricity and burnt ma haun. That's the end of it right ther' pal, sometimes ah wish fir it, tae get tae sleep, tae huv a dream, and mebbe rub ma cock before a nod aff
To be, or not to be, that is the Question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the minde to suffer
The Slings and Arrowes of outragious Fortune,
Or to take Armes against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to dye, to sleepe
No more; and by a sleepe, to say we end
The Heart-ake, and the thousand Naturall shockes
That Flesh is heyre too? 'Tis a consummation
Deuoutly to be wish'd. To dye to sleepe,
To sleepe, perchance to Dreame; I, there's the rub,
The English master called me 'an ignoramous." I got a fucking A in my exam.