where the writers are
Rebel Alliance Health Insurance
jawa

 

Int. REBEL ALLIaNCE HEALTH INSURANCE Business office- day

UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYs

LUKE SKYWALKER

(earnest and conversational)

After my estranged father Darth Vader cut my hand off in a lightsaber duel I didn't know where to turn. Lucky for me I had Rebel Alliance Health Insurance. They helped me get the top of the line cybernetic parts I needed so I could get back to fighting the Empire as quickly as possible.

INT. EVIL DEAD CABIN- NIGHT

Luke Skywalker continues to talk, over an odd BUZZING sound.

LukE SKYWALKER (cont'd)

Unfortunately, my poor friend Ash here, was not so lucky.

Sounds of ASH from the "Evil Dead" series battling a horde of Deadites using his chainsaw hand in the background.

Ash

(as he is attacked by a slobbering Deadite zombie)

A little help here!

LUKE SKYWALKER

After his hand became possessed by the evil spirit of the Necromonicon...

SCREAMS in the background as Ash is swamped by more GROWLING DEADITES.

LuKE SKYWALKER (cont'd) (cont'd)

...he learned that S-Mart didn't have the comprehensive healthcare coverage he required...

Ash

Taste boomstick creeps! Aawaaah!

Ash's RIFLE FIRES. Deadites fall away and Ash emerges, a hunting rifle clutched in his non-chainsaw hand.

LUKE SKYWALKER

...to deal with his demonic limb possession. Had he only known about Rebel Alliance Health Insurance then, how much easier things would be for him now.

Deadite growls at Ash, swings a sword at his head.

ASH

Damn you Skywalker!

LUKE SKYWALKER

So make sure you get Rebel Alliance Health Insurance...

Now the Deadite with the sword and mace is running after Princess Leia.

Leia

Heeeeeeeelp! Luke, this dead thing is chasing me! Shuttup and use the force or something!

Luke ignores her.

LUKE SKYWALKER

...the only health coverage in the Galaxy which covers lightsaber injuries...

Ash

Aaaah!

... Ash kills it with his chainsaw, saving Leia.

LUKE SKYWALKER

...demonic possession, time travel psychosis, DeLorian contact frost-bite, killing your grandparents in the past by mistake, Alien intestinal parasite occupation, mortal combat related spinal stenosis, Klingon ear worm, epileptic Pokemon seizures...

ASH

C'mere Lea. Gimme some sugar baby.

Leia kisses him passionately.

LUKE SKYWALKER

Aw! Hey cut that out! That's my sister you're kissing! I've got first dibs!

Ash SHOOTS Luke with his boomstick. Ash and Leia resume kissing.

announcer

Rebel Alliance Health Insurance. Because in space, no one can hear you sue!

 

Comments
1 Comment count
Comment Bubble Tip

hahahaha

Brilliant and I loved the ending also (being a star wars fan I am resigned to the fact that Luke Skywalker is a necessary evil in the series)