I have often heard you don't always get what you want but what you need. The idea has at times been both appealing and appalling. I like the idea that what we truly need will come our way but I have to admit I also like to get what I want, although it is often better that I don't. Lately I have been really discontent, wanting to get more done, fit more into a day, write more, promote more, push, push, push. While being ambitious is a good thing it is often good to balance that out with reason, a quality which I am sometimes embarrassingly short on. I have been, by my own admission, a bear lately, exhibting the worst of the "artistic temperment" and being cranky at best when I can't get accomplished all that I wanted. I had been hearing from various people in my life that I needed to relax, let the writing flow when it flowed, and let the rest alone. Their advice to not be quite so over the top with my discipline, while sounding logical, also did not go with my plan to get things done what I wanted done.
It seems when I am so demanding that something gets done, fate decides it absolutely will not get done. So on Monday when we were in a car accident I had a nagging feeling that it was part of a bigger plan. My parents, friends, and several others had recommended me slowing down in life, not just with my writing push, but with my life. The car accident, while being sizable, was not earth shattering, yet it was enough to make me take a deep breath and a step back and take a look at things. This activity was assisted by the fact that I needed to see a doctor and had time to sit and think while I sat in their office for what seemed an eternity.
I had been a bit on the crazy side about all this. Up too early to workout, pushing myself to write, setting goals and deadlines that are unreasonable. I had not only been making myself miserable but my family and friends as well. What I thought would help me get more accomplished and would work, wasn't working at all. This was illuminating and liberating and provided an excellent opportunity to change things, even a little bit, and try things a bit different.
So this morning, did things a bit differently, took it a bit slowly, relaxed, let things flow and surprisingly instead of less getting done, more has. Above and beyond that fact, it has been a pleasure instead of harried mess this morning. So while an accident was not what I wanted it was certainly what I needed. What a beautiful gift that is.