Humor
October 25, 2009
- The puppy is a literary little beast. She climbs onto the back of the chair and hangs over my shoulder as I type. Her paws are unsettlingly close to the keys. “Whatcha writing?” “It’s all about you.” “You’re going awfully fast. You’re not thinking very hard or looking anything up, are you? You can’t be doing your best work. How come when ...
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October 25, 2009
- Many of you may hate me for this, but when I saw the first previews for Where the Wild Things Are with the actors in those suits, three evil words crashed into my brain: Barney. The. Dinosaur. And the more I thought about it, the bigger the question balloon in my head grew until I wrote this parody, which I have posted in the Articles/ Stories section on my page. Thanks for ...
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October 25, 2009
- On a beautiful day in San Francisco 16-year-old Laura Ruth Barry had no trouble defending her San Francisco Parkside tennis crown, beating fellow American Sam Barry (who is, in an extraordinary coincidence, her father) 6-1 and 6-2. The match was actually more lopsided than the score would indicate; basically, Barry kicked Barry’s ass. You might say that Barry, who has beaten Barry before, beat ...
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October 24, 2009
- I’m convinced that the person who coined the phrase “Getting There is Half the Fun” has not tried to get there recently. Our trip to England began at the Santa Barbara Airport. The first leg of our flight to San Francisco was due to leave at 9:30 a.m., so dutifully were there at 8:15 a.m. That’s when we found out our plane was delayed. “How long?” we asked. Shrug. “Can we ...
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October 22, 2009
- I was doing some laundry this morning before work when it hit me. However, before I explain that statement let me just say that I am a big admirer of the renowned Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield, not least because he is the father of Uma Thurman. No wait, that’s Richard Gere. Still, I am a big admirer of Kornfield, author of After the Ecstasy, the Laundry. I never read the book, but I intend to ...
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October 21, 2009
- Throughout her prolonged adolescence the puppy has consistently maintained an elevated opinion of herself. I make the mistake of reading my recent blog to her and she picks up on my critique of her non-show-worthy physical attributes. She flashes me that furrowed-brow stare I have come to dread. “What does a low tail set mean, anyway?” I would rather take out ...
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October 19, 2009
- “I am a great artist,” I say to the puppy. “Surely you can appreciate your good fortune and accept the responsibility of living with me. My paintings will bring world peace. My writings will cure cancer. My infinite wisdom will end hunger. You must not annoy me. You must allow me to work.” She looks at me, wrinkles her long elegant nose, and farts defiantly. ...
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October 19, 2009
- All you need is love, says the song. But that’s ridiculous. You need a room, too, and a harmonica. What were the Beatles thinking?Still, I miss those times when pop artists wrote songs that meant something, and none more so than Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, a quintessentially American band led by singer and organist Domingo “Sam” Samudio, best known for their hit "Wooly Bully." ...
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October 18, 2009
- Tana French has written a wonder of a book. A writer’s dream. Many accolades. Many stellar reviews. Prizes. Bestsellerdom. All thoroughly well-deserved in my eyes. So why should I feel an overpowering need to spring to her defense? Having just finished IN THE WOODS, I clicked onto reader reviews on the Amazon and Barnes and Noble websites and was totally unprepared for ...
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October 17, 2009
- The dentist I'm recently switched to is the furthest thing from that sadist Nazi, Josef Mengele. I have been to a lot of dentists, and he is probably the gentlest. I like him, and I trust him. Now that that is out of the way, let me tell you about my last appointment. There was HAMMERING. There was SCRAPING. There was DRILLING. ...
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