Humor
November 20, 2009
- I should have known it was going to be bad day when the traffic reporter on KQED radio said there was still a problem on the N line after telling us about an as-yet undiagnosed problem on the L line. San Francisco’s mass transit system (MUNI) of buses, light rail, trolleys, cable cars, carrier pigeons, sleds, and roller blades always has its problems, but it usually doesn’t make the traffic ...
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November 20, 2009
- To the tune of "Over the River and Through the Woods." Over the ocean and through the skies,To the island of Guam I fly,The plane knows the way,To land near the bay,While islanders shout "Hafa Adai!" ("Welcome," in Chamorro, the native tongue.) I was welcomed to the island of guam by Aunt Vicki, Uncle Bill, and my two cousins Velma and Woody, who I lived ...
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November 18, 2009
- At the beginning, only a few heard about the event. After all, this kind of people have never felt comfortable with social networking - beyond the occasional tea party or KKK BBQ that is. But Fox News helped rumors spread around like wealth across a socialist program : Sarah would be there, Dick could also do a gig... heck, George Himself may bless the gathering with His Presence !Next thing you ...
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November 17, 2009
- The outer limits of cable channels are just that. As I flipped to a show in which two perky and loudly dressed ladies sat in an RV, I marveled at what I was paying for. They sat smugly watching a video of some poor unsuspecting fellow who needed a "makeover". I had to think the setting was in homage to Extreme Home Makeover, but nothing else was. They giggled, these middle aged ...
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November 16, 2009
- I've about had it with the big box stores. Today Nancy and moi trailed through four or five of them, logging 8,000 steps on my pedometer. The one good thing about these stores being, of course, you get a lot of exercise, even if someone pushes you in a cart. If they were smart they'd advertise: ``Shop your way to a trim waistline.''In any case, if I can get the backing – and I expect millions ...
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November 16, 2009
- This weekend I was in Miami for the Miami Book Fair International, promoting my book How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons—a book that will change your life and a really great gift idea at only $9.99. They put me up in the Hyatt Regency, which, as it happens, was the setting for the official launch of the Trump Network. “Success does not just happen,” Donald Trump has said, ...
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November 15, 2009
- “Time To Set Boundaries” is today’s lesson from the dog trainer. I erect barriers that make the Berlin Wall seem like a friendly neighborhood decoration. The printed class sheet states that the boundaries should be non-confrontational. I greatly respect the dog trainer, an experienced professional and an intelligent woman, but she has yet to encounter the full cataclysmic ...
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November 13, 2009
- The puppy is adamant, as only she can be when her determined little soul is focused on her determined little belly. She cruises the kitchen counters with a thoroughness to make Julia Child blanch. “Brisket! Brisket!” she chants.I offer her a MilkBone as an appeasement. “I said brisket, not biscuit!” The puppy gives me The Look which adds “idiot” to every statement she ...
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November 13, 2009
- Last night I attended a combined benefit for Glide Memorial Church and celebration of Cecil Williams’ forty-five years of leadership there. Glide serves people who need a helping hand by providing over 750,000 free meals a year, mental and health care, women's programs, after-school programs, literacy classes, job skills training, drug and alcohol recovery programs, free legal services for the ...
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November 12, 2009
- I have had another Significant Idea I have discussed with John HodgMan, the Smartest Man I have Ever Known. My proposal follows. I am sure everyone all Emeryville Residents will agree with me that it is a Neat Idea. "Dear HodgMan: I see from your blog post above that you have given permission to the Very Large City of Chicago to dismantle all of its buildings following your recent ...
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