where the writers are

kids | kids

tim-haywood's picture
Jan.07.2014
I didn't write about this when it happened, mostly because I prefer to use this forum to cast my gray-haired carcass in the best possible light. I'm a little too insecure to write stuff that leaves you thinking, "Wow, Tim sure is a dick." And had I written it before today, that’s just what you may...
tim-haywood's picture
Jan.03.2014
It's the story of a professional athlete, but not of his performance on the field of play. It's about the power of spin, but also about allegations no amount of spinning can remedy. For eight years, Chris Kluwe was punter for the Minnesota Vikings. Punter is the strangest position on a football...
tim-haywood's picture
Dec.30.2013
Still a couple of days to go, but are you already living in 2014? I'd say I am. Before we trade in the old year for a newer model, hows about we take a little stock. Let's pry open the dented door of the station wagon that is 2013, and see what kind of memories are wedged behind the seats or stuck...
tim-haywood's picture
Dec.17.2013
“For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change, you know? I mean, Jesus was a white man too. He was a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa—I just want the kids watching to know that.”...
tim-haywood's picture
Dec.12.2013
I have to admit, I was fairly skeptical when my wife told me her plan. In fact, had I actually verbalized my feelings, I may have said something like... "Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt."  Even twenty years later, I've not found a human being capable of turning a phrase with the raw...
tim-haywood's picture
Dec.02.2013
Hang on a second.  Sorry about that, had to loosen up the belt a little.  Okay, what the hell, I took it all the way off—it's been that kind of a weekend.  What's the deal with belts, anyway? Oh sure, the man cons you into believing a belt is a useful accessory for keeping the old...
tim-haywood's picture
Nov.25.2013
On the crowded city bus, it's that woman who puts her backpack in the seat next to her, forcing the elderly lady to stand in the aisle. In the locker room, it's the dude who leaves his toenail clippings scattered on the floor, lying in wait to pierce the fascia of the nude and the innocent. And in...
tim-haywood's picture
Nov.20.2013
I was alive when it happened, fifteen months old, actually.  What did that toddler do on the day the president was assassinated? No idea. Don't remember anything. I'm gonna guess there were lots of hushed phone calls and crying behind closed doors while I watched Tennessee Tuxedo sitting cross...
bernadette-moyer's picture
Nov.16.2013
When Parents Want Out By Bernadette A. Moyer Most of us would agree that kids don't come with a money back guarantee. It is risky business having children. You never really know what your getting whether it is a biological child or an adopted one, there is some chance and some luck along with lots...
tim-haywood's picture
Nov.15.2013
It's really too bad this movie isn't coming out in time to battle that annual bloodbath, the war on Christmas. Some really huge oars could come in super handy in spanking back the secular happy holiday heathens. Better late than never, I suppose. The official trailer of "Noah" was released Thursday...